You say anything won’t break you down
In front of me lays so many opportunities. So many unanswered questions and possibilities are there for the taking. I just need to focus long enough to figure out what I want out of it all. Am I capable of doing this at 20? 21? 24? How long will it take me to figure out just a path to take longer than 3 weeks? I’m not looking for a life plan, but as people around me are growing up and accepting this fact (many times begrudgingly, but none the less), I feel like I’m Will Farrell’s character in Old School, just unwilling to do something more. I don’t want to stay in college for life, I don’t want to be a kid for life, I just want to make sure I’m fully prepared to do everything I need to survive, without any ones help. Because as I’ve learned in these last few days, I am me. I am an island. And that’s how I’m going to stay. Probably for a while.
I’m trying to write a musical about two guys writing musical…
I feel like I’ve been shot in the heart. It’s been almost 4 months, but I still cry myself to bed every night. I just need to get away. I need a place to cry. Fuck
Something in the shadows…
So lately random bits of my memory have been flashing seeming inconsequential moments of my life. There’s no rhyme or reason behind it, or so it seems. I don’t really know what to make of it, some times the memories make me smile, other times I want to cry, but mostly I just shrug them off and keep moving throughout my day.
Hockey can’t start soon enough.
I’m starting to realize the people that I miss aren’t the ones I would have told you I would miss back in September.
I still like him, I don’t know what we’re going to do about that. I guess the new semester will bring about change.
And yes, some days I get tired of being your cheerleader, but at the end of the day it’s still worth it.
FUCK YOU!!!
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!
GET OVER ALL OF YOUR LITTLE ISSUES WITH ME!!! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU!!! I HATE THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU BASTARD!!! YOU ARE NOT GOD, YOU ARE NOT SOME AUTHORITY OVER ME, YOU ARE SOMEONE THAT I UNFORTUNATELY MET AND WISH THAT DAY NEVER HAPPENED. IT WAS A SIMPLE REQUEST, A POLITE ONE I MIGHT ADD, AND YOU DECIDED TO BE A JACKASS ABOUT IT.
FUCK YOU!!!!!
I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong…
It’s the end of the semester, and I don’t feel like reflecting. Instead I want to move forward, it’s been a series of ups and downs, that I don’t want to wrap around me all summer. I’ve got 20 books and 108 movies to take care of this summer. Many of the movies fall under the “Classics I Should Have Watched Years Ago” and the books are mainly of the rock/punk biography genre. Granted on my list of movies there are some silly ones, Porky’s, and some that are new, Let The Right One In, and my some books that are a bit heavier, The Divine Comedy, but for the majority of them are the categories from above. God I’m so terrible at blogging. It might be the mosquito floating around my head right now, must go kill it!
We’reeeeeeeee off to see the wizard…
Here’s some random thoughts of the day:
How does a beard work? I mean a legit beard. How does it know where to stop growing? I’m looking at my TA and he’s rocking a beard, but it’s not taking over his face, why? How is it decided that a beard stays on the neck/chin/jaw/cheek area? I get the testosterone bit, but why its location? How come some guys can grow a beard and others can’t? Also, why am I so concerned with beards?
Why is newspaper a dying art? It is the perfect form of media. Sure, it’s a bit slow, but it’s portable and could be pocket size. The average person does not have a tv or computer strapped to them all day, but they can carry a news paper around with no problems.
I really want to develop a sitcom that involves my neighbor Devin and a fab guest lecturer from the German dept. The two of them living together would write a script for a TV show. Devin is so different from the GL that it would be a total time warp to the Oddcouple, Oddcouple V2.0!
She’s in loooooooove (this has nothing to do with love though)
I sent a bra to troops over seas. I had to send one of my smaller ones 34D, because my bigger ones are being used currently. A friend of a friend is in the Army and hasn’t seen a woman in months, so we sent him a box of stuff. It was filled with food, magazines, and underwear and bras. Kinda funny, kinda creepy, I try to focus on the funny bit.
Somewhere only we know
I feel helpless.
Life feels out of control.
Why?
Great day in NYC today. Spent time with Devin and Dakota. Laughed hysterically at random thoughts. Stared at boring artwork that I saw a few months ago in the MoMa. Life starts again tomorrow. I don’t want it to. I want life to be simple. I want to laugh, not cry. I want to believe, not doubt.
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